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I audition for the role of rejection
3 years and counting facing my reflection
This has to end at least let us pretend
That nothing has ever happened
It will never happen to us in the end

But don’t say you’re sorry now
It’s too late, Apologies wont help
Come to think of it, they never did
Just put me further back on your shelf
Every so often you clean the dust off
play with me, you break me, replace me

Though just when It feels right time runs out
3 months, my window, flying past
2 months wasted, will these moments last?
1 month left, Could this get any worse?
time is up, your direction is forward
Ill be hanging back

 

For a special artist…

She takes root in some unknown town.

At least unknown to me.

She speaks as if a thousand muses

Invade her personal being

Oozing life and light yet,

I never quite see the same from 

still images baring her eyes.

Darkness accompanies an inferno

In disguise.

Waiting to burst through an open door.

To anywhere but her bedroom floor.

Something keeps her stagnant,

authoring lamentations galore.

She exudes an all-knowing countenance.

Still, so subtle in delivery.

That you can’t decide whether it’s an insult

Or a touch of flattery.

I don’t care to know, for

Her spoken word exceeds the value of gold

It’ll buy anyone happiness

If they truly comprehend what it is

they behold.

A treasure that’ll never grow old

It took me hours to get home tonight
every moment your name riddled my mind
Hopeless thoughts at the speed of light
Grasping to the only memories I can
Prolonging my suffering till I pretend
That I will be alright, I will live
Without you in my mind
I’ll drive

Light up another broken promise tonight
An excuse to stay behind enemy lines
Halfway through the pack of my displeasure
Play the next track, it’s feeling better
Take another drag, let the flow work my soul
As I melt into the rhythm, my only antidote
The drug that knows no overdose
But a beat to keep my own
It Drives me

To the limit, it drives me, to the end
When I can pretend, that none of this hurts
And how it never hurt you; but can you feel it?
The pulse of my heart is weak, can you feel it?
My playlist is running low, and I need you
To grace me with your 80’s hits, your old school tricks
Dance with me before you leave with your last line
Before I see your green eyes for the last time.
Sing your song and smile and if it feels right…
end this sorrow tonight.

I woke up today and said “Chris, you are going to write about some fucking Eggo Waffles”. So I did my best with the time I provided myself. 🙂 I am happy with it. It makes me smile. I hope you enjoy it too!

Eggo Waffle, Eggo Waffle

Circular like a magic Quaffle

Blueberries impregnate

a hearty mouthful

As syrup cascades from

My chin to

My watchful

Lab and Terrier.

When you look into the night sky I can see something shining,

As if the stars are looking back and actually smiling

At your long golden hair, and on this spring night

A pleasant smile you share

Because no one comes close, at least not by little

For you are one of a kind, like a flower’s first petal 

You bloom with the sun and soak up the rain

You send my heart miles high and destroy my disdain

If a flower, so subtle, can cure me so well.

why must you leave when my heart starts to swell?

Still Winter passes by and Spring will come soon.

Then again the subtle flower will bloom

Though, if only Spring began when Winter howls,

The flowers of spring would be tall as towers.

Seasons are not eternal, they soon become our past.

Yet every moment with you will forever last. 

(So, dear child

Tell me what it is

you so resent?)

You are just an infestation;

A ghoulish soul I must repent!

You reap what others sew

Your ploys, caddish distractions

To enforce a fatal blow!

(Oh haha, How foolish you are

To think I’d bare your skin

A festering scar.

I’ve saved your life you know?

Remember those nights

Out on your “Lonely Road”?

You would rev to the limit

Put your conscious on hold.

But it was I who hit the brakes

Before the bend swallowed you whole!)

You had no RIGHT!

It was MY destiny to unfold

Be it high-speed mutilation

Or bottled scripts on hold

It was mine to decide

Not your hand to fold!

(Be that as it may

You speak no sense today

You cry for love, though

One cannot love

Beyond a hallowed grave

I gave you new life,

Your soul I fucking saved!

Now you accuse me of scrutiny? 

That I have misbehaved?!)

I, I, I, I don’t know what to say

I have decided to try and lighten the mood on my blog by posting one of my older poems. You know, those days when “love” didn’t seem so far out of reach. I hope you all enjoy! 🙂

I lose my mind with sea-green eyes glaring back at me

Lost in your gaze, I am simply amazed with this girl I see.

Feeling the beat of my heart rip my chest apart

It’s what you do to me

You make wrong feel so right.

Let us light the way; we can set the world afire.

Darling, we can talk all night. Speak of our desires.

Or you can show me the way

Skip to the best part

Show me this love I’ve been missing;

Play it back from the start. 

 

I have never felt this way before.
An overwhelming emotion,
That my words may not reward.
They will tear me apart before
I can speak through clenched teeth.
A feeling as relentless as
The pounding in my chest.
From a heart that has lost itself,
in the maze which is my mind.
Yearning to break out from
A body that keeps it shackled.
Locked away without the love it cries for.
Still, it beats with vigor, no matter,
Its fate assured.
Instead it makes me write these pages
Filled with moments at its weakest.
Hoping these bleak reminders be
Enough to tempt its warden.
“Set me free, let my soul say what it needs
Let me fall in love and fall away
Into the stars which are her eyes.
Where the thought of her touch
Is enough to last me the night.
Keep the darkness from a heart
That has seen the path to light.
For every moment spent in the shadows,
The memory of her smile still shines bright”
Yet my mind keeps its pace,
while my feet stay planted.
Remaining stagnant in the shallows of my soul.
Wading in a pool of memories wrought.
Where my dreams can’t find their way to you.
No being has brought me to this point
When return is just an afterthought.

This was an assignment from one of my high school English teachers. She gave each student an image depicting a victim of the Holocaust; then we were to write a short story describing what life for that particular victim might have been like. My image was of a young boy whose clothes were tattered and torn with a smudge of mud grazing his cheek. He looked into the camera with dead eyes, as if what he saw in there changed him forever. I can only hope my description does the kid justice.

 I Saw It All

I saw it all in The Ghetto. Life, death and torturing. This was a place of horror. When the secret police raid The Ghetto we crawl into small holes in the wall and day after day one by one we would come out until it is all safe. The police would take older people first and then the children. The conditions were terrible yet we were forced to bear it. One day we were captured and sent to a camp. There we sat cold, wet and damp…

I saw it all. The black smoke and gray ashes fell like snow from the furnaces within the camp. This wasn’t snow though, snow is pure, this was something much more sinister. The stench was unbearable; they were burning dead bodies in those furnaces. Flesh, human flesh, was melted off the soul of some poor woman or child. Walls all around me with towers that look like sharp knives cutting through the thick black smoke. As ash lands on my cheek a tear wipes it off of my face. I was sure that I would end up in the furnace.

When we entered, the guards had us strip to nothing and they washed us off with disinfectant. Although by now the only thing they had left to strip us of was our dignity. I could feel it burn on my skin but that was the least of my worries. Where is my mother? They led us into the next room and they shaved off all of our hair; lice they said. After that we were all thrown outside onto the dirt and sand. They yell at us to get into a straight line and if anyone talks we get a whip across the face.

So we stand still waiting for instructions and then a few guards come out with boxes of what looked like cloth and as the guards unveiled it, it showed a white tunic to wear as a prisoner. On this tunic it had the Star of David with the letter “P” in the center. we had to wear these constantly back in Poland. I always saw it as a form of enslavement and had thought I got rid of it forever, but now I am back where I started though now in a more terrible place.

The first day passed and already I felt weak. Nothing to eat for 48 hours and only very little to drink. I am worried about how I’m going to get out of here.

 

Finally four icy months later our camp was liberated by the U.S. army and we were finally free. But, the feeling of freedom didn’t feel like it had before. It was empty, like the stomachs of my fellow captives. I saw a photographer and as he aimed his camera at me, I had a look of sadness and disappointment because what I have seen inside these walls will haunt me forever. My mind is still trapped.