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Spoiler alert: the book series “Youth in Revolt” is mentioned in the afterword and contains key spoilers, so avoid the bottom of the page if you haven’t read the book yet! 

Driving down an open road, the usual route

The sun-roof open, the sun still out

a woman’s smoky voice swims through

Airwaves as she sways and croons

Of love, far gone, still warm and true

I’ll park my car, in a familiar shadow

Under the willow, letting down

Autumn’s gold and amber hair

In piles I’d joyously dance around, but for

Who I see in this small cafe, I’m ill-prepared

I stop, I stutter, breathing shallow, rapid

Only moments left to run, before

My curious eyes are left raptured

By her angelic gaze, in a perfumed haze

Her captivating voice; oh! How I’m still amazed

The fading nail polish, the sandy hair,

Eyes of the purest sapphire,

That genuine smile so rare!

She returned from a journey afar

From exotic lands and sights to share.

She traveled with another, more divine than I

For she saw in him, a true believer; devout

Pure, free of sin, worthy of His watchful eye

And I, simply an underling, in endless drought

Struggled to dim the light I couldn’t live without

And now, face to face, I stand terrified,

Blinded by luminescent resurgence

Emotions I thought to be long efaced, resurface

My mouth moves, though little sound escapes

What brought me here? Why this cafe? Why today?!

I thought I’d never see her again, I guess

hoped I’d never see her again.

Because I know that my offering is no match

For the love she has, and her pious ways.

She is meant for heaven. And I; Purgatory’s maze.

Afterword: I know this poem has had several alternate versions recently, but for me, when a poem of mine has intense personal meaning (Which is usually something I’ve experienced rather than dreamt or imagined), I often come back to it and add bits and pieces to give the story more context for the reader and for my future self. For example; when writing the more personable lines, my mind turns to chaos, and the details in my mind’s eye don’t always make it down on paper the first time around –or possibly even the second or third time– because my mind is not a quick one and easily affected. These small, sometimes grand details slip through the cracks and are only found once again as the dust settles. It’s safe to say I lose a lot of good material, but I love what I do 🙂 Also, the title is in French because I associate cafe’s and dumb love most often with the book “Youth In Revolt”. And how can I forget the way Nick lost everything in France, as Sheeni soon found herself shacking up with a noble Frenchman in a foreign and exotic land, while Nick had to find a way to purge her psychological presence. He never does… but he lives, and lives well

PS: I’m terribly sorry for the spoilers book!

Lately I have been thinking a lot about my favorite book series “Youth in Revolt”. And no, I am not referring to the movie adaptation that left out about half of the three books it was based off (also not to say the movie sucked. Michael Cera was a perfect fit for Nick Twisp and Portia Doubleday played the role of Sheeni Saunders, as if she were meant for it. I still despise Sheeni’s character to this day. If you read the series, you may agree or disagree.) I am talking about the 7-book series that had me enthralled the whole way through. This was a series that didn’t allow me to rest unless I was flipping through its content with wide eyes and a tender heart.

Now you might be thinking “Who fucking cares? Why are we listening to Frank Sinatra while you blab about some book?”. Well that would be because Nick Twisp is also a Frank Sinatra fanatic; and in the book, he and Sheeni enjoy small coffee shops together for its simplicity and intimate setting. And considering Nick, was head-over-heels for Sheeni, this song came rushing into my conscience as I replayed the scenes over and over in my head.

So I thought I’d share the song with you all and maybe even garner some interest in those who have yet to dive into the fantastical mind of C.D. Payne and his quirky novels 🙂

Mam’selle Performed by Frank Sinatra:

A small Cafe, Mam’selle, our rendezvous, Mam’selle.
The violins were warm and sweet, and so were you Mam’selle.
And as the night danced by, a kiss became a sigh,
Your lovely eyes seemed to sparkle just like wine does
No heart ever yearned the way that mine does for you.
And yet I know too well someday you’ll say goodbye,
Then violins will cry, and so will I, Mam’selle.