The Art of Galumphing

I have here another writing exercise that goes by the name of “Galumphing” that was assigned during one of my creative writing courses and I particularly enjoyed this one because it required you to write about something completely random while still providing excellent descriptive detail through the short story. Initially we started out with a list of words that pair up with a single number between 0-9. Then we had to select a three digit number with each number corresponding to a word on the list. Once you have your three words, you were to write a short story using only what the list provided. Now for my piece I ended up with “Foot-Doctor, Sculpture, and Store”. Now technically, I didn’t use the term “foot-doctor” literally in this piece because I felt it was too boring to include lol. Luckily there are alternatives! Enjoy everyone 🙂

One sunny day in April, a Podiatrist went walking to his favorite grocery store in the gaudy downtown district of Los Angeles, California where porcelain beauties gather every weekend to get their legs, lips, arms, and bikini lines waxed; their toy poodles groomed to perfection and their boyfriends hung by a leash as the guys are led by an invisible force enveloping their souls every moment their significant other bats an eyelash in their direction.

But not the podiatrist, his name is Edward Havernask by the way, he strolls down his lonely sidewalk as his weekly routine comes to fruition as easily as an automatic door opens once it senses an entity approaching. Upon arriving, Edward allows the artificial intelligence to hold open the sliding doors as he is greeted by a swooshing breeze coming from the store’s several industrial air conditioning units on the roof. A refreshing euphoria overcame him with that frigid blast of air, especially after nearly sweating through the designer ensemble that he claims makes him feel like less of an outsider.

He goes on his way toward the dairy section for his weekly sharp-cheddar slab and what does he see in front of him? An enormous sculpture made entirely out of the same organic dairy product he had been in search of; it has a sign on it that reads “Fresh cheddar, with pizazz! Please ask one of our helpful staff members to sign you up for a chance to win this fine work of art!” He takes a step back to let the “work of art” sink in… “Hmph, it’s a cow; Genius.” he grumbles sarcastically “Is there no one left in this world who possesses the gift of creativity?” he walks away with his head down, wondering “Why the heck would someone waste so much cheese?! Perfectly edible sharp cheddar at that. Couldn’t they do the same with a slab of SWISS? I am sure the Swedes wouldn’t mind the blatant disregard for their country’s milk products, they hate us Americans already anyway”.

No longer interested in his daily routine, Edward takes a picture of the cheesy beast with his Smartphone and posts it on his Facebook wall with the caption: My shopping day has been ruined by an enormous cheddar cow. How is this possible?! Going to my back-up store down the street.

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