In the last four years I have experienced pains that I never thought would come to me. I have felt the searing flames of over-active nerve endings fire off throughout my body. I have taken steps that felt like red-hot coals replaced the cool hospital floors. I have felt the sting of countless needles failing to find their mark, wriggling around in a futile effort to find the crimson life. I have felt the clawing ache of ruined joints, making an effort to dissuade my every move. I have felt the burning sensation of medicine meant to eradicate invasions, slowly atrophy my veins to uselessness. I have felt what happens when the needle meant to find the fluid, finds the spine instead. Through all of that, never has anything hurt more, than loving a person that will always try to keep you close, yet make you feel so far away.
I saw you for the first time in nearly a year,
It was bittersweet, as most moments
Have been since the clock struck midnight,
Sealing the fate of the world indefinitely.
I couldn’t see your smile, but your eyes
Sparked a fire in my heart as of old.
Your warmth from six feet away,
Could set ablaze even the iciest soul.
It took everything in me to not close the gap,
to be the irresponsible one for once.
For so long I hid behind that veil of virtue,
Because I was terrified,
Of what might lay beyond the truth.
And yet here we are, in limbo,
Waiting for the sirens to die down,
And the world to speed up again.
If it must hurt, let it be quick.
And if it finds our hearts entwined,
let us not waste a moment.
Yet here we are, six feet apart,
So close to the answers,
Yet insufferably far.
Yeah I know this road leads no where
But I cant help myself from hangin on
Yeah the medication daily is a ritual
It numbs so I’ll keep hanging on
This road leads no where, and
I cant help but wonder
Whats waiting on the other side
If it found the path
The path to a luminous life…
My heart knows not days, weeks, months or years.
It knows not the sub-zero Winter or the gale winds of Fall.
It knows not the pleasantry brought by another’s call.
It knows not the twilight before the darkness of night.
Nor the Rooster’s cry when sensed the sun’s faintest light.
It only knows of the warmth her porcelain skin emanates.
It only knows of the swift step in her royal gait.
It only knows of the smile that shatters inhibitions.
And of Cupid’s arrow, flying true to its mission;
urging miles traversed, only love could coerce.
All conscious moments lay still in a last embrace.
The scent of her hair, the glow in her eyes,
For nothing since has given reason to rise.