Archive

Tag Archives: Hope

It’s not her velvet touch that pulls me in,

Or the curves that flow from head to toe.

It’s in the words she speaks as I eagerly listen,

It’s the galaxy within that makes her glow.

In a million years, I might never discover,

Every planet and star that makes up her soul.

But I would spend my days trying to uncover,

The mysteries that keep me coming back for more.

Among the tropics surrounded by ethereal beauty

People bustling about on a sandy beach,

laughter and the ocean’s song crowd the air,

A thought wades in the shallows of my mind,

Always peeking above the waterline,

never out of view.

I could be carving mountains in the alps,

Feeling the icy breeze graze my skin.

Adrenaline coursing through my veins,

as powdered snow billows with each movement,

and still never escape that feeling.

If I were watching the bulls fight in the Azores,

Women in floral patterns dancing in the streets,

To the rhythm of Fado, blessing the night,

with their majestic step,

And the local wine blurring my vision,

I would still find that thought penetrating the haze.

Because wherever life might take me,

no matter how subtle or extravagant,

It always leads me back to you,

Where home is anywhere,

as long as you’re there.

Weightless words fog the window
Clouding thoughts I once found mellow
Swirling tricks mistaken for treats,
Feeding me poison in place of sweets.
Spouting phrases out of context,
A hail of daggers finding the X.
Taking breaths to slow my heart,
Subdue the pain as it rips me apart.
Do you hear yourself when you speak,
Or is it I that has only grown weak?
I wish I could turn my head away,
As you find something else to say.
But there is no glory in surrender,
Crack the bottle for another bender,
Numb the soul, stoke the fires,
Spread the memories on funeral pyres,
Watch the ashes catch the breeze,
As my dreams get lost in the trees.
Entangled in your lover’s folly,
Preparing yourself for another volley.

As if this constant upheaval of my health wasn’t enough,
You stand there barking orders telling me to act tough.
Say how easy it is to brush it off with the company of a “friend”,
Tell me how I’ll feel so much better if I see you again.
But let me stop you before you go off the deep end.
Because I’m the one calling the shots for the war within.

The soothing balm of cool night air

Kisses the wrinkles of our furrowed brows,

As we stand motionless in our bubbles,

Single file under the dazzling marquee,

Waiting to release what haunts us.

Outside we are still singular,

We don’t mingle, don’t touch.

But when the music begins,

We are an amalgamation,

Of varied walks of life,

Swaying together in concert,

With the beat of the drums,

And the melody of the vocals.

It brings us together,

Regardless of status or creed.

For one night, to your left and your right,

Stand allies in the fight.

You can snap my heart like a twig if you please,

It lies in your palm, awaiting a fatal squeeze,

A thought that never fails to bring hope and fear

equally to a soul longing for your voice in its ear.

How sweet it is when I can taste for a moment,

The compliments you give, to which my ears are bent,

Stretching the curative balm of your sonic clarity,

To last another week as you juggle my heart with verity.

Never committing yourself to the love I hold so close,

Yet giving enough to keep my heart in quiet repose,

As it sits in your hands praying for the day,

When you restore it to me, and with you I stay.

I saw you for the first time in nearly a year,

It was bittersweet, as most moments

Have been since the clock struck midnight,

Sealing the fate of the world indefinitely.

I couldn’t see your smile, but your eyes

Sparked a fire in my heart as of old.

Your warmth from six feet away,

Could set ablaze even the iciest soul.

It took everything in me to not close the gap,

to be the irresponsible one for once.

For so long I hid behind that veil of virtue,

Because I was terrified,

Of what might lay beyond the truth.

And yet here we are, in limbo,

Waiting for the sirens to die down,

And the world to speed up again.

For something…

If it must hurt, let it be quick.

And if it finds our hearts entwined,

let us not waste a moment.

Yet here we are, six feet apart,

So close to the answers,

Yet insufferably far.

You had me feeling young again today.

Every ache in my bones seemed to forget

That the sun had risen three hours ago.

I felt lighter on my feet,

The laughter on my lips tasted sweet.

With every word you seem to heal

Every nerve that was screaming.

But how long can this last?

Are you here to stay?

Will you leave if I get too close?

Or is this something worth holding?

When was the last time you relied on five milligrams of anything?

It is such a seemingly insignificant amount,

That I go crazy trying to figure out

Why it refuses to let me move on.

Every time we try something new,

Its the same old story,

No appetite, joints are screaming.

The mornings are the worst,

Begging for the evening

Begging for the reason why.

Back in the ER, fill me up with more.

Ask me all the same questions,

No, I’m not from a broken home,

I just got a little booboo,

nothing you can’t fix.

As long as you have prednisone.

Back to where I started, at least, so it seems.

Riding that roller coaster once again.

The ups and downs come on like a sickness

Sometimes slow, others, it can be vicious.

At times I try to see it as a trial,

Something that can be beat.

A game that I can win without cheats

then I wake up in the morning in a daze,

Searching for the bottle through morning haze,

Take out that five milligrams and swallow,

Maybe it’ll be better tomorrow.

For anyone that is struggling with chronic illness, you are not alone. And it gets better. It is slow, and some days you might feel exactly like this poem, but it gets better. As you learn to adapt and find new ways to enjoy the things you used to. Don’t let the bumps in the road take you out. Hang in there 🙂

I was wandering in a war-field when it happened,

Bleary eyed and alone, stumbling over debris,

Curious as to why the canons of my ramparts ceased.

The once lush green landscape I cherished, now blackened;

deep gashes and fallen oaks lay in splintered heaps.

Yet in spite of all that remained in utter disrepair,

all that seemed disastrous and rife with despair,

A reincarnation of Athena arose from afar

ascending a hill to the East like a phoenix

Rising unscathed from the ashes around her.

Her hair caught in the breeze and streamed

like dark chestnut flames setting the air on fire;

each tendril struck the ether like flint upon stone.

And the deep brown in her almond eyes alighted

Like twin beacons of hope to the lost and the stranded;

They drew me in without effort, I found it futile to resist.

______

At first it was blinding, her inimitable light,

the ethereal gleam cast by the setting sun

Reflected like Archimedes’ fire from her armor,

A burnished silver suit with ornate engravings

flowing like intricate streams of gold from head to toe,

Forcing my eyes to adjust to her otherworldly glow.

______

She rode atop a white stallion with a red bridle,

Studded with sapphire stones and polished silver rivets,

its silken mane flowed like the finest threads

Spun by the nimblest hands of Olympia’s best.

The rider then surveyed the ashen wastes strewn

About her by the gnarled hands of the misled,

yet she showed no sign of reluctance, no urge to flee

instead, she called across the field, beckoning

With an outstretched hand, and a beaming smile.

______

Swiftly it shattered my inhibitions, that simple flash of teeth.

And as I grew closer, a warmth began to bloom within my chest,

At first like a candle trying to illuminate a vast and empty room,

slowly growing into a vibrant torch alighting every corner.

I felt my body relax as I was pulled closer toward the hill,

Enveloped in a tender warmth this body had never know before.

My eyes grew heavy and before I arrived, they had all but closed

allowing myself to fall under her spell, with her hand now upon my head,

and a whisper in my ear that “destruction never revives the dead;

hear me now, you cannot let the dark times rule your kingdom

For the sun does not shine on a mind with closed doors.

Let the light filter through, tear down those towering walls

And allow your soul to live free of such poisonous pride.”

______

 When her hand raised slowly from my head, my eyes opened;

the world had regained its color, the ancient oaks now stood tall

The upturned earth now settled into grassy plains,

And the songbirds were filling the air with their avian twang.

The divots and the shrapnel embedded in my walls disappeared.

And though the rider had vanished, her influence remained.