As if this constant upheaval of my health wasn’t enough,
You stand there barking orders telling me to act tough.
Say how easy it is to brush it off with the company of a “friend”,
Tell me how I’ll feel so much better if I see you again.
But let me stop you before you go off the deep end.
Because I’m the one calling the shots for the war within.
When was the last time you relied on five milligrams of anything?
It is such a seemingly insignificant amount,
That I go crazy trying to figure out
Why it refuses to let me move on.
Every time we try something new,
Its the same old story,
No appetite, joints are screaming.
The mornings are the worst,
Begging for the evening
Begging for the reason why.
Back in the ER, fill me up with more.
Ask me all the same questions,
No, I’m not from a broken home,
I just got a little booboo,
nothing you can’t fix.
As long as you have prednisone.
Back to where I started, at least, so it seems.
Riding that roller coaster once again.
The ups and downs come on like a sickness
Sometimes slow, others, it can be vicious.
At times I try to see it as a trial,
Something that can be beat.
A game that I can win without cheats
then I wake up in the morning in a daze,
Searching for the bottle through morning haze,
Take out that five milligrams and swallow,
Maybe it’ll be better tomorrow.
For anyone that is struggling with chronic illness, you are not alone. And it gets better. It is slow, and some days you might feel exactly like this poem, but it gets better. As you learn to adapt and find new ways to enjoy the things you used to. Don’t let the bumps in the road take you out. Hang in there 🙂
The Way it Goes 