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Poetry

You had me feeling young again today.

Every ache in my bones seemed to forget

That the sun had risen three hours ago.

I felt lighter on my feet,

The laughter on my lips tasted sweet.

With every word you seem to heal

Every nerve that was screaming.

But how long can this last?

Are you here to stay?

Will you leave if I get too close?

Or is this something worth holding?

When was the last time you relied on five milligrams of anything?

It is such a seemingly insignificant amount,

That I go crazy trying to figure out

Why it refuses to let me move on.

Every time we try something new,

Its the same old story,

No appetite, joints are screaming.

The mornings are the worst,

Begging for the evening

Begging for the reason why.

Back in the ER, fill me up with more.

Ask me all the same questions,

No, I’m not from a broken home,

I just got a little booboo,

nothing you can’t fix.

As long as you have prednisone.

Back to where I started, at least, so it seems.

Riding that roller coaster once again.

The ups and downs come on like a sickness

Sometimes slow, others, it can be vicious.

At times I try to see it as a trial,

Something that can be beat.

A game that I can win without cheats

then I wake up in the morning in a daze,

Searching for the bottle through morning haze,

Take out that five milligrams and swallow,

Maybe it’ll be better tomorrow.

For anyone that is struggling with chronic illness, you are not alone. And it gets better. It is slow, and some days you might feel exactly like this poem, but it gets better. As you learn to adapt and find new ways to enjoy the things you used to. Don’t let the bumps in the road take you out. Hang in there ūüôā

She walks among us, taking sips of the sweet breeze,

savoring the aromas of the meadow brushing her knees

As she wanders from grassy plain to a winter roost 

Trying to find the right soil before she takes root.

It isn’t a matter of riches or splendor that beg her to seek

A home where she can rest if she ever grows weak,

A place she can feel as free as the birds above

where there is nothing but unconditional love.

As she was born to be among the flowering cherry trees,

the dandelions, the ferns and the sweetest honeybees,

her soul begs to dance with the flowers as they sway,

to glide with the wind, every which way.

Her destiny is where she ends up with the brightest smile,

where there is no doubt it was worth her while.

If we tried to put a price on happiness

the invoice would always total: madness.

It may feel delightful at first,

Eliciting a reaction we rehearsed

in front of our gilded mirrors,

for a fleeting glimpse.

All the while, we try to fill the hole,

with excess feigning success,

always chasing humility with vanity.

We rarely catch it in time;

our downfall.

The ledge from which we tumble

raised by our own pedestal

Where we lay our riches,

was all along crumbling beneath,

waiting for that fateful step,

when all falls through.

Lately the only true peace I have known

is what I feel when I’m driving alone

with the moon gleaming like a diamond

In a dark sky as the world slows down.

In that moment is where I exist,

never lost or thought to resist,

I simply drive as I wave goodbye

to the tumult of the day,

praying that tomorrow,

humanity might find its way

To a place where we all find that peace

where love conquers hate.

but hoping for it doesn’t help

when the only way is change.

Little yellow bottle sitting on the windowsill,
asking if I’m ready for my little white pill.
Will it be just one today, or two or three?
If I had a say in things it’d already be empty.
Yet I try to be good in spite of the pain,
Not worry about what’s coursing through my withered veins
that can barely rise to the occasion
When it comes time to get filled up again.
“It’s the best option we have” they say,
while I grin and utter “I’m okay”.
It’s my only option,
So I guess I’ll keep walking this way.

I was wandering in a war-field when it happened,

Bleary eyed and alone, stumbling over debris,

Curious as to why the canons of my ramparts ceased.

The once lush green landscape I cherished, now blackened;

deep gashes and fallen oaks lay in splintered heaps.

Yet in spite of all that remained in utter disrepair,

all that seemed disastrous and rife with despair,

A reincarnation of Athena arose from afar

ascending a hill to the East like a phoenix

Rising unscathed from the ashes around her.

Her hair caught in the breeze and streamed

like dark chestnut flames setting the air on fire;

each tendril struck the ether like flint upon stone.

And the deep brown in her almond eyes alighted

Like twin beacons of hope to the lost and the stranded;

They drew me in without effort, I found it futile to resist.

______

At first it was blinding, her inimitable light,

the ethereal gleam cast by the setting sun

Reflected¬†like Archimedes’ fire from her armor,

A burnished silver suit with ornate engravings

flowing like intricate streams of gold from head to toe,

Forcing my eyes to adjust to her otherworldly glow.

______

She rode atop a white stallion with a red bridle,

Studded with sapphire stones and polished silver rivets,

its silken mane flowed like the finest threads

Spun by the nimblest hands of Olympia’s best.

The rider then surveyed the ashen wastes strewn

About her by the gnarled hands of the misled,

yet she showed no sign of reluctance, no urge to flee

instead, she called across the field, beckoning

With an outstretched hand, and a beaming smile.

______

Swiftly it shattered my inhibitions, that simple flash of teeth.

And as I grew closer, a warmth began to bloom within my chest,

At first like a candle trying to illuminate a vast and empty room,

slowly growing into a vibrant torch alighting every corner.

I felt my body relax as I was pulled closer toward the hill,

Enveloped in a tender warmth this body had never know before.

My eyes grew heavy and before I arrived, they had all but closed

allowing myself to fall under her spell, with her hand now upon my head,

and a whisper in my ear that “destruction never revives the dead;

hear me now, you cannot let the dark times rule your kingdom

For the sun does not shine on a mind with closed doors.

Let the light filter through, tear down those towering walls

And allow your soul to live free of such poisonous pride.”

______

 When her hand raised slowly from my head, my eyes opened;

the world had regained its color, the ancient oaks now stood tall

The upturned earth now settled into grassy plains,

And the songbirds were filling the air with their avian twang.

The divots and the shrapnel embedded in my walls disappeared.

And though the rider had vanished, her influence remained.

Do you know what it is to be tortured in love?

Not that it may see you perish within the day,

instead it eats at you slowly as you wither away.

Whatever strength you had left to look forward

And instead, found yourself looking back in dismay?

Have you felt the petals of a rose, like a bouquet of daggers

Sliding gently, without injury, along the line of your throat?

Threatening the ultimate, yet delivering only fear.

I ask, have you ever felt the burning of unrequited love?

You’re under five foot six,
Yet you’re a skyscraper!
You’ve got a taste for kicks,
well known for your capers,
And when you get your fix
You’ll headline the papers!

You soar above the clouds:
With wisdom you’ll teach
That a sunrise is just how
To put a night beyond reach.
So no matter the row,
The past may never breach.

Your future was never written,
You’ve got a lifetime of discovery.
If we see you, you’ll be smitten
Because life is one big reverie,
And if we take the time to listen,
Your words, a golden memory.

You don’t believe in fate,
And the wander in your eye
Might say it’s getting late;
It’s apropos to say goodbye.
Like a tower, your roots are great,
Your head forever held high.

Love can be a terrible curse, and the ultimate blessing.
It will see you rise above the tumult of everyday life
Like a God among mere mortals.
It will show you seasons in a way you’ve never experienced,
through the eyes of a child, wild with wonder
With the eagerness of youth to explore its boundaries,
to reach in and grab ahold of the world at its best.
It takes a new form, and shows you what you’ve been missing.
But just as easily as it lifts your heart,
As easily as it cures a plague of the mind,
or an insecurity that’s followed you through time,
As easily as it cleanses the conscience,
It can just as easily demolish your hope.
When the center can no longer hold,
And all falls through, to pain’s hungry jaw below
Love remains above the clouds, while you,
are sent tumbling toward the unforgiving ground.
But love is persistent, as it will come to be known
It will be witness to your demise, yet in your eyes
It only spells “hope”
And when that day comes, when hope is brought anew
You can bet that the feeling is healing when love comes back to you