You might have loved me, for a moment,
That day you read what I wrote to you,
when you were beside yourself with
happiness.
You’ve never been talked to that way,
you said to me.
“why are you always so good to me?”
you asked sweetly.
“Because I love you”
I said, with a swollen heart.
“I love you too!”,
You beamed with emphasis,
but it must have been,
only for a moment.
Because all things fall apart,
When they’re held together with,
Stars and heavy heart.
Like a lighthouse, guiding weary souls,
Escaping untenable circumstances,
Through treacherous water toward freedom,
She provides a comforting aura of solidarity.
Even as the country they seek refuge in,
Is governed by an unforgiving tyrant.
And so, not all who bear witness to her light,
Are granted clemency, though all who might,
can feel the warmth she emanates.
And that while the land of freedom,
In its interminable tangle of bureaucracy,
Tries to find every avenue to delay their entry,
They may rest easy knowing when they return,
Hers will be the guiding light which burns.
You can snap my heart like a twig if you please,
It lies in your palm, awaiting a fatal squeeze,
A thought that never fails to bring hope and fear
equally to a soul longing for your voice in its ear.
How sweet it is when I can taste for a moment,
The compliments you give, to which my ears are bent,
Stretching the curative balm of your sonic clarity,
To last another week as you juggle my heart with verity.
Never committing yourself to the love I hold so close,
Yet giving enough to keep my heart in quiet repose,
As it sits in your hands praying for the day,
When you restore it to me, and with you I stay.
I saw you for the first time in nearly a year,
It was bittersweet, as most moments
Have been since the clock struck midnight,
Sealing the fate of the world indefinitely.
I couldn’t see your smile, but your eyes
Sparked a fire in my heart as of old.
Your warmth from six feet away,
Could set ablaze even the iciest soul.
It took everything in me to not close the gap,
to be the irresponsible one for once.
For so long I hid behind that veil of virtue,
Because I was terrified,
Of what might lay beyond the truth.
And yet here we are, in limbo,
Waiting for the sirens to die down,
And the world to speed up again.
For something…
If it must hurt, let it be quick.
And if it finds our hearts entwined,
let us not waste a moment.
Yet here we are, six feet apart,
So close to the answers,
Yet insufferably far.
Why do you stay away for so long,
when you know the warmth of my sand
And the colors I can paint the sky for you,
Lay just beyond the mountains?
Run to me, child, when you feel weak,
run to me when the world isn’t what you seek.
Don’t hesitate to drink me in, I have enough to give.
If your heart grows weary, I will help it live,
with the sound of waves lapping the shore,
the cool mist that kiss your cheeks at dawn,
And the gentle breeze easing you along.
Don’t let yourself get frozen in a moment,
Or life will be one long, and painful lament.
You had me feeling young again today.
Every ache in my bones seemed to forget
That the sun had risen three hours ago.
I felt lighter on my feet,
The laughter on my lips tasted sweet.
With every word you seem to heal
Every nerve that was screaming.
But how long can this last?
Are you here to stay?
Will you leave if I get too close?
Or is this something worth holding?
When was the last time you relied on five milligrams of anything?
It is such a seemingly insignificant amount,
That I go crazy trying to figure out
Why it refuses to let me move on.
Every time we try something new,
Its the same old story,
No appetite, joints are screaming.
The mornings are the worst,
Begging for the evening
Begging for the reason why.
Back in the ER, fill me up with more.
Ask me all the same questions,
No, I’m not from a broken home,
I just got a little booboo,
nothing you can’t fix.
As long as you have prednisone.
Back to where I started, at least, so it seems.
Riding that roller coaster once again.
The ups and downs come on like a sickness
Sometimes slow, others, it can be vicious.
At times I try to see it as a trial,
Something that can be beat.
A game that I can win without cheats
then I wake up in the morning in a daze,
Searching for the bottle through morning haze,
Take out that five milligrams and swallow,
Maybe it’ll be better tomorrow.
For anyone that is struggling with chronic illness, you are not alone. And it gets better. It is slow, and some days you might feel exactly like this poem, but it gets better. As you learn to adapt and find new ways to enjoy the things you used to. Don’t let the bumps in the road take you out. Hang in there 🙂
She walks among us, taking sips of the sweet breeze,
savoring the aromas of the meadow brushing her knees
As she wanders from grassy plain to a winter roost
Trying to find the right soil before she takes root.
It isn’t a matter of riches or splendor that beg her to seek
A home where she can rest if she ever grows weak,
A place she can feel as free as the birds above
where there is nothing but unconditional love.
As she was born to be among the flowering cherry trees,
the dandelions, the ferns and the sweetest honeybees,
her soul begs to dance with the flowers as they sway,
to glide with the wind, every which way.
Her destiny is where she ends up with the brightest smile,
where there is no doubt it was worth her while.
If we tried to put a price on happiness
the invoice would always total: madness.
It may feel delightful at first,
Eliciting a reaction we rehearsed
in front of our gilded mirrors,
for a fleeting glimpse.
All the while, we try to fill the hole,
with excess feigning success,
always chasing humility with vanity.
We rarely catch it in time;
our downfall.
The ledge from which we tumble
raised by our own pedestal
Where we lay our riches,
was all along crumbling beneath,
waiting for that fateful step,
when all falls through.
Lately the only true peace I have known
is what I feel when I’m driving alone
with the moon gleaming like a diamond
In a dark sky as the world slows down.
In that moment is where I exist,
never lost or thought to resist,
I simply drive as I wave goodbye
to the tumult of the day,
praying that tomorrow,
humanity might find its way
To a place where we all find that peace
where love conquers hate.
but hoping for it doesn’t help
when the only way is change.
The Way it Goes 